It's hot in here. I knew it was before I realized, but then I still did. You realize a lot when you lock yourself in the bathroom. Like I never paused to consider how medical the lighting in here felt. We'll have to get something to soften that out.
I'm not worried, our door broke like this before. I just have to wait for one of my roommates to come home and open it from the outside. I'm just annoyed because I left my phone in my room. But this is as good a time as any to dig into my roommates' bathroom junk. We don't have any shelves besides the one that's falling over, so all our junk is just thrown together in the cabinet under the sink. I see the usual suspects (razors, my toothbrush, more razors, Randy's contact solution, more razors - I think Randy bought them in bulk, he's super hairy from what I can see), but I'm looking for the orange gleam of a pill bottle. Carter's emergency underwear is still back here. He pooped his pants once in college at an orchestra concert and now he has a pair hidden in every room.
They smell normal, though.
Just kidding, I didn't smell them. Or at least I would never admit to it.
Fine, I smelled them. And wore them like a hat, it was funny. Don't tell Carter.
Finally, Benji's Adderall. It's weird that he keeps it here. I feel like if I had ADHD, I would keep it right next to my bed to make sure I remembered to take it first thing in the morning, but I guess I don't really get to have an opinion on that, so never mind.
I wouldn't have taken two of his Adderall if I had my phone on me, but I would have taken the first one regardless. How long does it take to hit? Is it like weed? I did Adderall once in college to stay up late studying for a chem final, but then I lost track of time and studied through my test time. Sort of like "The Gift of the Magi", except not at all. I'm trying really hard to remember when it hit then. I miss college, it was a lot easier to make friends in college. I hope I'm old enough one day to have more to talk about than college.
I should start a timer.
Wait, I never take my watch off. I took it off last week to have sex, but then I put it on right after. Okay, I wasn't having sex. I accidentally burned my arm in the oven making a cookie for myself while my roommates were out at a party, and I took my watch off to soak my arm in cold water. My watch isn't waterproof and I cried for 30 minutes, but I put it back on after. But where is it now?
Focus.
I should just try and break down the door. Should I just try and break down the door? If I broke the door down, I could go to my phone. I have to break the door down. I'll take two steps back, as much of a runway as I can fabricate. I have to channel my inner Miss Piggy, "Hi-YA!" Just run. Take the two steps and kick the door down. Or punch it? I wish I could Google this.
Maybe just "check" the door like hockey players do to each other. 1, 2, 3, RUN! THUD.
Okay ouch.
"Is something wrong?!"
"Carter?"
"Martin?"
"Have you been home this whole time?"
"I've been home all day. Are you okay?"
"Can you open the door? I'm locked in."
"Oh, shit yeah, it's sticking again?"
My hero.
"Thank you so much, man."
"Wait, are you wearing my underwear on your head?"
Shit.
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