Suggestion Box

Only 3 this month. Why do I have to do this? 

1. Dylan should call me more! I miss him when he forgets to call, I don't know why he doesn't call every day like a good son. Why is he insistent on being a bad son? Have I been a bad mother? I don't think I have been. Like, for instance, when I gave him 30 minutes to himself in my home when he came over for Easter so he could be on his phone. Would a bad mother do that for her son? I'm asking, would she? This is mom, by the way.

These are supposed to be anonymous. What's the point of a suggestion box if people are just going to tell you what they think is wrong with you to their face anyways? Respect the ceremony of the box, people!

2. I think Dylan would look so good in skinny jeans. Just a thought.

Why do people always put this one? I know I would look good in skinny jeans but I'm allowed to not be comfortable in them. You'd think by not wearing them I give off the vibe that I don't want to wear them. Do people think I don't know about them? That I've been through 28 years of life not knowing about skinny jeans? And that all I ever needed was for somebody to tell me skinny jeans existed and I'd be so shocked and surprised and endlessly grateful that somebody made me aware of the one thing that had been missing from my life like those Facebook videos of colorblind people seeing colors for the first time. I tried skinny jeans in high school and I liked how they looked but I didn't really like how they felt. It's not like I don't know that I look good in them, but I prefer something a little bit looser, like joggers. I love that joggers give the relaxed illusion of a snug fit thanks to the cuffed ankle and tapered leg, but they still give your thighs room to breathe.

3. I saw Dylan eating out of the trash at Ron Goldman's son's bar mitzvah. I'm not even quite sure he was aware he was doing it, it almost looked like he was in a trance. At one time I saw only his legs, upside down, it was clear that he had dived into the trash can head first and was fully submerged. Was he looking for scraps? Is there trouble at home that he isn't able to get three square meals? I'm happy to send the lunch wagon by to make sure he is eating. They have sandwiches on there, so as long as he isn't a picky eater, they should be able to accommodate him. Also, why the garbage? Was he not aware of the chaffing dishes full of chicken tenders feet away? Even the big cake. It would have been less strange of him, in my eyes, to eat that cake and ruin Ron's son's day than to discreetly eat out of the garbage. Not that he was being discreet.

I must have left this one in from March. Whoopsies!